She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
high people should be assigned attendants
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize