i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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