It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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