Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
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the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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