Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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