I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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