i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
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Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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