He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have already put on my inside pants.
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