he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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