i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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