mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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