he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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