My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize