just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize