so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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