When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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