I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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