she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize