i can't believe i had my finger in that
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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