Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize