I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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