I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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