We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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