I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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