If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize