I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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