So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize