You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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