you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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