So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
is that a dick in a sweater?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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