Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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