What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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