I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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