tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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