Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize