My room smells like vodka and shame
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize