Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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