I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize