I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
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I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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