Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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