no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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