Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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