ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize