Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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