He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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