Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
