Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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