I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize