Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize