fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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